Ancient Musical

Disclaimer: The Stargate Atlantis characters aren't mine and I lay no claim to them. This is for entertainment purposes only. We're off to see the wizard----Comes from The Wizard of Oz, I don't own it either.

Notes: Thanks go out to Alex and Heidi who both put up with my yammering and questions. Beta-ed by Pennydreadful and ga unicorn. Inspired by Once More With Feeling, the musical Buffy the Vampire Slayer episode.

Ancient Musical

Dr. Carson Beckett made his way slowly to the infirmary early Sunday morning. It was a surprisingly quiet and calm day in Atlantis; he hoped it would remain that way because he had a lot paperwork to complete. As the doors to the infirmary slid open Carson was seriously tempted to turn tail and run back to his room.

Making his way up to the three bickering people he asked loudly, “Something I can do for you, gentlemen?” He got a perverse pleasure out of the silence that fell upon the group after he spoke.

No one spoke until Radek let out a sigh and said, “We had problem with ancient technologies.”

Carson waited a beat and when it became apparent that no one was going to speak again he said, “I’m going to need a little more to go on, boys.”

“We don’t know what it did, Carson. That’s why we’re here,” Rodney spat out, irritated.

“We lost about an hour of time,” John said, while fidgeting on the bed.

Carson sighed; nothing was ever easy with this group. “All right, you know the drill.” With that he drew the curtains hiding all three from prying eyes and left to find a couple of nurse.

John looked at Rodney and Radek as soon as Carson was gone. “You really have no idea what that thing did?”

Rodney and Radek shook their heads but it was Radek who answered, “I’m sorry, Colonel, but there are no ideas formed as of yet.”

Rodney was being uncharacteristically quiet.

John looked at Rodney with a mixture of concern and suspicion. “Do you have any ideas about what it does?”

Morbidly Rodney nodded his head but before John could pester an answer out of him Carson came back.

“You were supposed to put on the scrubs gentlemen,” Carson was getting more irritated as time wore on.

“Sorry, but Rodney knows something, but he won’t say,” John said looking very irritated.

“Oh, really?” Carson’s eyebrows rose half an inch, “Well, then, out with it, lad.”

“Ithinkithassomthingtodowiththevoice,” Rodney mumbled through a hand he had covered his mouth with as soon as John spoke to Carson.

The other three blinked in confusion.

“Rodney, that’s enough. Take you’re hand away from your mouth and spit it out.” Carson was quickly moving beyond irritated and into pissy.

Buckling under the glares he was receiving, Rodney removed his hand and tried again, “I think it has something to do with the voice.” He then let out a sigh of relief; he’d avoided demonstrating what he thought that ‘something’ was.

John chuckled, “Is that all?”

Rodney felt something bubbling up inside of him and before he could clamp a hand back over his mouth the words started flowing.

“No, I’m constantly stuck around fools who have no idea what they’re doing!
They can’t understand what don’t touch means. I constantly find myself wondering,” a beat passed before Rodney continued, “exactly why they’re here in the first place, because it is so blatantly obvious that none of them belong. And the next time I ask you to put something down, please listen.” The last part was direct with a glare at John.

Rodney trailed off with a look of horror on his face; he began turning an alarming shade of red. Thankfully, the curtains were still closed, but he could practically feel the eyes boring into him through the curtain. He didn’t even want to look at John, Carson or Radek.

“Perhaps this would be the side affect it has on voice, no?” Radek asked, keeping his voice perfectly level.

Rodney only nodded in response. He could hear John snickering beside him and finally turned to face the man, “You know, you could be next, Colonel.” His voice was icily calm; thankfully, his face was returning to its normal hue.

It was John’s turn to have his face change colours but instead of red his became almost as white as a sheet. Looking at Carson pleadingly, he said, “Carson you’ve got to do something. I can’t go around bursting into song.”

Carson, who had been quiet since Rodney’s singing debut, studied the group in front of him. He wiped a hand over his face, wishing he had tucked tail and run when he first saw them. “I’ll do my best, Colonel, but I suspect that it is going to have to wear off on its own. Please don’t do that.” Carson added the last bit when he saw that all three of his patients were turning shades ranging from red to green.

~**~

Hours later the group was standing in front of an extremely amused Dr. Elizabeth Weir. “You’re saying that the device, or whatever it was, affected you in such a way that you randomly break out in song?”

The three men nodded miserably at Elizabeth, who turned to Carson, “I really missed Rodney sing?”

Fighting back a laugh Carson replied, “I’m afraid so, though I’m sure more opportunities will present themselves to hear him and the others sing. There is no damage or cause that I can find; and, as I suspected earlier, it seems it must run its course.”

“Oh, please, just shoot me now,” Rodney mumbled under his breath.

John snorted but Radek was the one to reply, “Don’t let this go to your head, but you sing well.”

“You really think so? You’re not just saying that?” Rodney began to look like his old annoying self.

“Sadly no, I’m not just saying. ‘Tis true.”

“I guess there’s not much else to say except: don’t stray too far, gentlemen.”

Radek nodded, but in perfect unison John and Rodney said, “Yes, mother.”

Elizabeth rolled her eyes, “Get out of here before I make you stay for my own personal amusement.”

They didn’t need to be told twice. They all bolted from the room, running down the hallway like something possessed.

“They’re really okay?” Elizabeth asked.

“Aye, I’ve looked over all the tests and they all say the same thing. There is something slightly out of whack, but it is not putting them or any of us for that matter in danger. There isn’t anything I can do to fix it either.”

Nodding, Elizabeth didn’t last long before a large grin broke out on her face. “Well, I think I’ll just go keep an eye on them. Just in case.”

Carson snorted, “You do that. I’ve got to get back to the infirmary.”

Then they both went their separate ways.

~**~

The three men had run off to Rodney’s lab, where he proceeded to yell at every scientist in the room to get out. A few, namely Kavanagh, put up one hell of a fight. But after Rodney’s extremely creative cursing he all but ran out of the room; though that probably had more to do with John pointing a gun in his face.

“That was a little extreme, Colonel,” Radek said after the door was securely locked.

“You’d have preferred he hear you break out in song?”

“I see you’re point.” Radek then stooped down and pick up and the artifact up off the floor.

“Be careful with that!” Rodney all but barked out.

Radek held the device away from Rodney when he reached for it. “Damage, I think, is already done. Besides, I lack the gene to activate it.”

Grudgingly, Rodney sat back down, “We should figure out what the writing says.”

“And how to reverse it or just how long it’s going to last,” John added pointedly.

Nodding in agreement the three set to work, thankfully without song.

~**~

Elizabeth stood in the hallway outside of Rodney’s quarters trying to think where the three men could have disappeared to. She had already checked the mess hall, gym and their quarters. Where else was there? Just as she was about to call them on the radio, Elizabeth saw a disgruntled and more than a little agitated Kavanagh coming her way.

“Is something the matter, Dr. Kavanagh?” She asked when he got close enough.

Kavanagh practically growled at her. This was definitely going to lead to Rodney, Elizabeth thought. “You mean, beside the fact that I have work to do and have been kicked out of the lab? At gun point, no less!”

“Rodney pointed a gun at you?”

“No!” Kavanagh cried indignantly, “Colonel Sheppard did.”

A small smile fell appeared on Elizabeth’s face and she quickly squashed it. “I’ll be sure to talk to him.” With that she about-faced and headed off to Rodney’s lab, sparing only a marginal thought as to why Kavanagh needed to work in there and not his own lab.

Making her way to the door, she could hear the three men she was looking for. Still smirking over her little conversation with Kavanagh, Elizabeth hit the open button and frowned when the door failed to open. Sighing, she scolded herself; she should have known they’d lock the door.

~**~

John, Radek and Rodney had been so involved in figuring out the markings on the device that, when Elizabeth knocked and called out, all three jumped and the device hit the ground once again. They looked at each other and chuckled before turning to look toward the door.

“You can’t come in,” Rodney said.

“Why not?” Elizabeth’s voice filtered through the air.

“Because, you’re only here to make fun of us if we start singing!” Rodney called out to her.

Elizabeth tried to keep the amusement out of her voice but she suspected that she failed miserably, “No, I’d just like to see that device.”

Grumbling Rodney looked to John and Radek, “Either of you feeling the need to sing?” He got two identical nods. “Me either. Alright you can let her in.”

John unlocked the door and opened it, without leaving his seat; Atlantis really did like him better than anyone else. The group started laughing hard enough to bring their sides into stitch, Elizabeth had been leaning against the door when it opened and was now on the floor, having been unceremoniously dumped there by the door.

Picking herself off the ground, Elizabeth grumbled good-naturedly at the chuckling group, “What are you guys doing locked in here?”

All three men quieted and looked at her with deadly seriousness and said, “Hiding.”

“I see. Colonel, can you tell me why, when I ran into Kavanagh, he said he was chased from the lab at gun point?”

“He wasn't chased from anywhere. He was asked to leave,” John replied, biting his cheek to keep from laughing.

“He had no business being in this lab without me or Radek anyway.”

Elizabeth nodded, “No one has explained the gun yet.”

Radek shook his head, “Kavanagh is a particularity dim man. He would not leave. It was simply necessary re-enforcement on requests asked.”

It was Elizabeth's turn to bite her cheek, “Perhaps next time you could find a different way of re-enforcement?” Cheeky nods were the only reply. “Can I see the device?”

John looked around the ground for a moment and then held it up for her to inspect. When she reached out for it, he pulled away, “Look with your eyes, not your hands,” he said in a very McKay fashion.

At Elizabeth's glare, Rodney took over for John, “He's right. We don't know exactly how it works yet and I don't think you want to break out into song.”

Elizabeth sighed, “Yes, you're right. What do you have so far?”

“We've been studying the words on the device, trying to translate them.”

Elizabeth waited a beat, “And? So? Therefore?” It was like pulling teeth with these men.

Before Rodney could continue, Radek cleared his throat and left John as the only one not to sing, “Part of the phrase was not able to be read but what we could read was this: Those who touch will be the first to say what's on their mind one at a time. After that all...” Radek clamped a hand over his mouth, trying to muffle his voice. After a moment, a look of horror came over his face when he realized he couldn't stop. Resigned to his fate, he removed his hand and picked up where he had left off, “…all will be said and for days to come no secrets will hide, no feelings be untold or trivial things ignored.” When he was done a blush settled on his cheeks, “Sorry.”

No one said anything and Elizabeth merely continued on as if he had never sung the words at all. “So, ‘those who touch’ are obviously you three, but what does 'after that all will be said' mean?”

Rodney shrugged his shoulders, “That's what we are working on.”

Elizabeth nodded, “Keep that up. Let me know if you find anything.”

“Of course,” Radek said.

Elizabeth was at the door before she turned around, “Oh, and John, you can't hide in here.”

“Why not?”

“Because you need to be in the gym in two minutes. You've got a training session with some marines. You and Teyla were going demonstrate the Athosian sticks.”

John whined, “Can I just reschedule it?” At Elizabeth's glare he got up, “All right, all right. I'm going.”

John looked pointedly at Rodney and Radek as he followed her out, “Fix this,” and was gone before they could reply.

~**~

John stood against the wall in the gym watching the six marines spar, all the while repeating a mantra of “I will not burst into song, I will not burst into song.” Teyla appeared beside him a moment later.

“Hey, you ready to do this?” He asked moving away from the wall.

“Indeed. Are you sure you wish me to show them how to use the Athosian sticks?” Teyla pulled hers out of her bag and John shifted his in his hand.

“Yeah, it'll help with hand to hand technique; and you can never know how to use too many weapons.” John looked at her for a second, “You don't have to show them if you don't want to.” John wished she would say no; he wanted out of there so badly.

“No, it is all right.”

John sighed and called out to the marines, “Stop!” He watched, satisfied, as they as froze and then fell into line. “Today you're going to pay attention to what Teyla has to say. You're going to watch carefully as she demonstrates how to properly use the Athosian sticks. I find anyone not paying attention and you'll be dropped straight into it, going against me.” One of the marines snickered and John moved to stand in front of him, “Something funny?”

“Why not against her, sir?”

John's serious face morphed into a malicious smile, “Because I have nowhere near her ability and you have a small chance of coming out of it unscathed. If you go up against Teyla, you could be in the infirmary for a very long time because she won't pull her punches.” The marine didn't say anything else, and John went back to stand beside Teyla. “Let's begin.”

Teyla began going through simple motions, explaining how to hold them firmly but gently in each hand. John made his way in and about the six marines, waiting for someone to step out of place—he didn't have to wait long. The marine who had just run off at the mouth started to snicker again and cast lewd looks at Teyla.

“Teyla stop. I think it's time for a demonstration.” Teyla nodded and moved off to the side. “Can I borrow you're sticks?” John asked as he handed his to the smart mouth marine. Teyla quietly handed hers to him.

“Let's go. Attack me,” John told the marine.

The marine did, lashing out with the stick straight toward John's head. The only problem was that the stick was held too tightly in his grip. John blocked easily and brought one of his sticks down on the marine’s hand. The marine yelped and jumped back.

“I never said I was pulling my punches.”

The marine attacked sloppily again; swiping toward John's head with one stick and his gut with the other. John blocked both fairly easily with one hand, spinning around to catch both shots and hit the marine in the back with his other stick. Looking from the marine on the ground to the other five John said, “You're going to give Teyla all your attention and respect. Is that understood?”

He was met with five strong, Yes, sir’s and one weak one.

“Good,” He gave Teyla her sticks and picked his own off the ground where the marine had left them.

As he watched Teyla and the marines John started singing under his breath, “You've got to pay attention to what goes on. One moment of distraction can cause a life to be lost. If you don't have what it takes. If you can't learn... can't be open to new things. What are you doing? You've got no place here. This galaxy is dangerous and you've got to be open to change.” He stopped when he found that Teyla was staring at him.

“What?”

“Shall we being our demonstration?” Teyla asked.

“Yeah, one second,” he turned to the marines who were looking at him and were all snickering, “What are you staring at? I thought I told you to face the front!” He barked out and they all snapped to attention.

The rest of the training section went off without a hitch. The marines got a basic understanding of the Athosian sticks and he got his butt kicked by Teyla—nothing new there. The only thing left to do was get far, far away and hide in a hole - because the marines had heard him singing.

After he had put the last marine to the mat he stood beside Teyla and yelled, “Dismissed!” The marines all limped out of the gym, most likely to the infirmary.

“Thanks.”

“I am glad to help. It was quite enjoyable. Are you all right, John?” Teyla asked, referring to the singing.

John sighed, “I'm fine. It was a device Rodney and Radek found. Besides the fact I might have to hurt them, there’s nothing to worry about.” With that he left her in the gym. It was late and he really wanted to just hide in his room.

~**~

It had been days since Rodney, Radek and John had meddled with the ancient device that left them randomly breaking out into song. Days since John—the last one to succumb - had sung a note and things were returning to normal. Now Sheppard and his team stood in front of an open wormhole waiting for Elizabeth's permission to start the mission.

“All right, guys,” Elizabeth called down to them from the control center. “Try to stay out of trouble. I want you back in one piece.”

“Yes, mom,” Rodney muttered, though loud enough for her to hear. Elizabeth only shook her head.

John was a little nicer with his, “Yes, ma'am.”

The group stepped through the horizon before Elizabeth had a chance to respond and emerged on the other side in a large field full of alien flowers.

“This is why you didn't let me see the M.A.L.P visual!” Rodney said accusingly as they made their way to the trail.

Ronon grumbled, “Seemed like a way to keep you quiet for a while.”

Rodney glared at him, “I could have an allergic reaction to these things. You want to carry me back to the gate? You don't get to keep this kind of information from me.”

The other three tuned him out at this point and kept walking.

Sometime later, as they were nearing the village, Teyla cut off Rodney's never ending rant, “These flowers remind me of one used in our village.”

“What for?” John asked, thankful for her cutting Rodney off; he was getting ready to smack the man.

“They were steeped as tea used to ease an illness. Doctor Beckett called it a cold.”

Before she could say anymore they had reached the village and could only stand on the edge in shocked. The village was in shambles, the huts burned; smoke spiraled away from many places. There seemed to be no people around; it was like a ghost town.

Teyla walked ahead of the group as they made their way through the ruins; looking for any survivors, but finding none. John stopped half way through the village and clicked the safety off of his P-90. Ronon followed suit, bringing out his own gun. When the others gave him questioning look John said, “Something's not right here.”

Teyla's eyebrows rose, “Of course, can you not see the destruction?”

Rodney looked around again and startlingly picked up on what John found wrong, “There's no bodies or evidence that people were even here or hurt.”

John and Ronon looked surprised but nodded and in agreement. It was John who spoke, “I think it could be an ambush.”

As soon as he spoke, he regretted it. A group of fierce natives, armed with various weapons, suddenly surrounded them

Lowering their weapons John and Ronon joined Rodney in saying, “Crap.”

~**~

Carson was sitting in front of his laptop in dismay. At the rate the updating of medical files was going he was never going to get back to his research. There was times when he wondered why he had agreed to go to Atlantis—he still didn't know the reason, only that he felt like he belonged here more so than on Earth. Carson still hated paperwork more than anything and was starting to wish that he had never been made Chief of Medicine on Atlantis.

Just as he hit the save button and began to update another file there was a knock on his door. “Come in!” He called out and was mildly surprised when Radek came in. “What can I do for you?”

“You remember the device a couple of days ago, no?” Radek asked, sitting in the chair Carson motioned to.

Carson, though he tried, couldn't stop a small laugh from escaping, “Yes, I do. You didn't activate it again, did you?”

“No, no. With help, I have finished translation. It is not finished yet.”

Carson was starting to get worried, “What's not? The device?”

Radek shook his head, “I'm afraid so. It seems it only starts with those who touched it. I have already seen the effects on my way here.....”

“Everyone is going to start singing?” Carson did not like this one bit.

“I'm afraid so. But the good news is that once a person sings a couple of sentences it seems to wear off. Just thought you should be aware. I must now got inform Dr. Weir,” Radek made his way to the door.

“Thank you, Radek.” Carson was left alone with his piles of paperwork and laptop.

Pinching the bridge of his nose Carson sighed. He was sure he was not going to like this day. Getting up, he shut his office door and dropped the blinds. Resisting the urge to bang his head against the wall, he fell into his seat and starting humming. Soon he was singing.

“I wanted a quiet day, an easy day. No paperwork, no injuries. But I guess that's too much to ask. I've research to do that's going to wait because every time I look over my shoulder it's there. Something to pull me away, to take me away. I'm never going to get back to what I was. I guess it was my choice and maybe I don't mind that much.”

When he stopped Carson didn't resist the urge anymore and began banging his head, albeit gently, on his desk. He really, really hated this week and was very thankful that he had been alone in his office when his singing debut came along.

~**~

Elizabeth looked at Radek's retreating as a foreboding feeling fell over her. She had once found this amusing, but the old saying must be true: it always is funnier when it isn't happening to you. Resigning herself to hiding in her office for a while she began to hope that John, Rodney, Teyla and Ronon were having better luck.

~**~

They weren't. The four found themselves herded into a hut and pushed to the ground. John hissed as a cut on his leg was smacked when Teyla landed on top of him.

She muttered, “Sorry,” as she rolled off of him and glared at their captures, who merely looked amused before shutting the door.

“Well, this sucks,” Rodney complained, nursing his own cut. Apparently the silent natives had something against him and John—they were the only two who had been injured.

“Don't even start,” Ronon said as he looked around their prison. It was really simple; a wooden hut with no window but flimsy looking wood panels. Experimentally, Ronon pulled on one that had enough space for him to grip it on either side; the board came off easily.

“That was easy,” Rodney said, stepping toward the hole, only to be pulled back. “Hey, I just wanted to look out. I mean, hello, there is no way I'm fitting through that.”

John scowled and looked through himself. He found that all their gear was on the ground surrounded by a group of spear and arrow bearing warriors. Sitting back on the ground John groaned, “Guess we didn't listen to Elizabeth this time around.”

“Are you all right, John?” Teyla asked, motioning toward his leg and then to Rodney, “And you?”

“I'm fine,” Rodney said, surprisingly without complaint.

John nodded, “It's not bleeding anymore. We need to get out of here. Ronon, do you think you can get another one of these planks off?”

His answer was Ronon ripping the plank beside the hole free.

“Thanks.”

Ronon answered, “You're welcome. I'm going first,” and he was gone before anyone could disagree.

Grumbling, John motioned for Teyla and Rodney to follow him and they took off after Ronon. The group guarding their things was the only ones insight and Ronon, John and Teyla quickly dispersed them. Rodney even got in a couple punches. The four grabbed their stuff and began running toward the forest, hoping to use it as cover on the way to the gate. As soon as they reached the tree-line arrows started flying.

They all managed to stay together by some miracle. They had managed to lose the natives, but as they ran Ronon started to sing, “On the run again. On the run again. I thought it was over. I thought I was done, but I guess it never is, because there's been little reprieve and I'm on the run again....”

John and Rodney stopped dead in their tracks and stared at Ronon in horror.

“Ronon?” Teyla said.

Ronon looked perturbed, “I have no idea why I did that.”

John looked at Rodney expecting an explanation. Rodney shook his head, “The device must have affected us first and then moved onto others in the city.”

“Great,” John's tone was so sarcastic you could have cut it with a knife.

The others followed his eyes and found that he was not only referring what Rodney said but the fact that there were 10 natives surrounding the gate.

~**~

Elizabeth had made it out okay. She had avoided listening to many people sing and she had avoided singing, right up to the point where SGA-1 became an hour overdue. Sitting in her desk bouncing her legs Elizabeth gave into the urge that had been bubbling up. Rodney and Radek had told her not to long ago that the feeling to sing was unconquerable, and they were right.

“I told them to stay out of trouble. It seems they can't obey. But am I jumping to conclusions? Thinking the worst? Could it just be coincidence that they're late? Or am I just wishing for a simple excuse. Oh, who am I kidding? With them there is no such thing. They're the trouble magnets of the galaxy...”

Elizabeth shook herself a couple of times before hitting her radio, “Major Lorne, I want you and you're team in the jumper bay in five minutes.”

“Understood.”

Elizabeth sighed and turned off her radio, sparing a thought to wonder in the world John's team hadn't taken a puddle jumper.

~**~

“That's all we're going to do?” Rodney asked incredulously as John laid out his plan.

“Yes,” John said irritably, getting out the grenades.

“That and we're going to hit them,” Ronon said, “Please say we're going to hit them.” Ronon was still extremely agitated and more than a little grouchy from his singing stint.

John sighed, “Yes, we're going to hit them, too.”

Rodney rolled his eyes.

“I believe we should go now, before more show up,” Teyla said.

“All righty, let's go.” John pulled the pin from one of the grenades and tossed it as far a he could.

The resulting explosion had the desired effect. A portion of the natives threw their weapons at the spot and a third of the group went to check it out. A second grenade left three mostly unarmed people at the gate. Teyla darted out and ran at the three at the second grenade site, while at the same time John went to the first site and Ronon went at the group at the gate.

Rodney followed Ronon and as soon as Ronon made short work of the three men he began to dial the gate. Just as he hit the button to engage the gate John and Teyla made their way up behind him....Teyla was singing.....

“Three to one is hardly fair but I can not complain. The odds weren't great but without their weapons they didn't stand a chance. I kicked their butts and I would do it again in a flash.”

Everyone simply raised their eyebrows. That was closest they'd heard Teyla get to gloating. As Rodney began to enter his IDC, a thought came to him.

“Colonel?”

“Hmmm?”

“Why didn’t we just use our guns?”

They looked at each other silently for a moment and then John shrugged, “Ronon wanted to hit them.”

Rodney finished entering the IDC and the group made their way through the gate.

~**~

Just as Elizabeth was about to give Major Lorne the go ahead, the gate began dialing. When the wormhole opened, she asked, “Are we receiving an IDC?”

Chuck shook his head, “N... wait...Yes, it's Dr. McKay's.”

“Lower the shield.” She watched the shield shimmer and disappear. Seconds later John, Ronon, Teyla and Rodney stepped through. After telling Major Lorne to stand down she move to the balcony and looked at the dirt covered group, “Didn't I tell you to stay out of trouble?”

John looked at her cheekily, “We tried.”

Rodney looked irritated, “That device isn't...”

“Relax, Rodney. We know. Trust me, we know.” A shudder ran through her, “Report to the infirmary, please.”

SGA-1 made their way to the infirmary. Two out of the four members humming a very familiar tune... “We're off to see the wizard...”

It took a couple of days after this for everyone to stop taking part in some unknown musical and even longer for everyone to forget the fact the there were some horrible singers on Atlantis. In Rodney's opinion, Kavanagh should no more sing than he should be allowed anywhere near ancient technology.

As for the device it lays buried where no one would ever dare go looking for it - Ronon Dex's underwear drawer.

The End

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