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Disclaimer:I don't own the Xander, he belongs to Joss Whedon. Bob and Harry belong to Jim Butcher. This is for entertainment purposes only and no profit was made.
AN: I couldn’t resist taking a stab at this series. Thanks to windyfontaine for reading it over for me. Crossover and disclaimer are at the end, as to not give anything away. Hope you enjoy. All comments are appreciated. ^__^
Yorick?
There was a loud thud breaking the silence of the bar as Xander fiddled with bottles underneath the counter. Grabbing the shotgun he kept hidden behind the bottles Xander straightened, aiming it outward.
Only no one was there; the bar was as empty as it had been when he’d bent down. Lowering the shot gun Xander scanned the room with his eye; only after this did he look down.
There it was – the source of the noise - sitting on the counter as if it wasn’t completely out of the ordinary; a skull completely devoid of flesh or a body for that matter.
Words from a play he was sure he must have paid at least semi-attention to in high school came to mind, “Alas poor Yorick I knew him well.”
Xander found himself starring into the eyes of a skull some unknown source had dropped onto his counter. A skull which began rattling as it moved back and forth.
Xander took a step backward, eyeing the skull warily before looking around the bar; hoping to find the skull’s owner whether it be ghost or otherwise but once again no one was in sight.
Cautiously Xander looked closely at the skull in front of him. It was an offset light amber colour and covered in odd symbols. Xander noted that there was a small piece missing from the top.
The oddest thing yet, not that a skull magically appearing out of thin air wasn’t odd, was the duck tape securely fastened across the skull’s teeth, keeping the jaws locked firmly in place.
Warily Xander reached out to remove the tape and the rocking motion ceased.
Pulling back again Xander noted how the skull began to shake fervently from side to side again…in an almost impatient manner.
With a shrug, Xander reached out and peeled the tape off of the teeth. As soon as it was gone a ghastly sigh filled the room and the skull stopped rocking.
As he stepped back Xander watched as the skull’s empty eye sockets filled with orange light.
“Finally, I didn’t think you’d ever get the hint.”
“Uh,” Xander started to raise the shotgun again.
The skull rattled, “Oh relax, it’s not like I can hurt you.”
“You’re a talking skull, sorry if I’m not convinced.”
“I’m Hrothbert of Bainbridge; you can call me Bob, now put that down and tell me where I am.”
Xander mouthed out Bob’s full name, “Okay then, welcome to Nights Bob, I’m Xander Harris the owner and main bartender.” He didn’t put the gun down.
“A bar, oh wonderful, finally without the strings and I can’t even drink,” Bob’s amber filled eye sockets flashed brightly.
“Strings?” Why exactly did you have duct tape across your mou….teeth?” Xander asked, finally putting the shotgun down.
“Because he talks too much…it’s rather annoying,” a voice came filtering out of the storage closet.
Xander watched as the door opened and a tall man wearing a black, paneled duster came out.
Bob muttered, “Alas, the strings return.”
“Now how did you get here Bob?” The man asked.
Bob the skull rattled around until he was facing the newcomer. “Harry, how nice to see you again,” there was a mark of sarcasm in his voice.
“That doesn’t answer my question,” Harry turned his attention to Xander – who was currently deciding whether or not to go for the shotgun again. The wards hadn’t gone off so he left it. “Hello, I’m Harry Dresden. Did you know that your closet is a dimensional nexus?”
Xander shook his head, “Xander Harris, owner of Nights and yes I did. It brings many interesting people and stories my way.”
“Stories?”
“People tell me interesting stories and they leave things for the wall,” he motioned behind him, to the wall covered in trinkets and photos.
Harry looked around at the empty tables, “Not a busy place?”
Xander snorted, “No, it is but Nights isn’t open yet. You’re skull crashed in here.”
Harry glanced down at Bob and could have sworn he was getting a cheeky grin from the skull; well he would have if Bob had flesh.
“Sorry about him.”
Xander shrugged, “He’s one of the nicest skulls I’ve had in here in a long time.”
Bob rattled on the counter, “Hear that Harry, I’m nice.”
“Yeah, like the bubonic,” Harry muttered.
Bob gave an indignant huff, “I get no respect…I give and give and get nothing in return.”
Harry smacked him upside the back of the skull, “You get plenty or should I stop buying those novels for you?”
Xander pulled out a couple of beers, it sounded like this was going to be interesting, “Beer?”
Harry went to take it but stopped, “Thank you but I’ve got no money on me.”
Xander took a sip of the one he still held in his hand, “Don’t worry about it. Tell me something interesting and I’ll count it as even.”
Harry went to refuse but Bob broke in, “For god’s sake, the man is giving you free beer shut up and take it.”
Harry gave Xander an embarrassed smile, “I’m sorry about him. He doesn’t know how to control his mouth.”
Xander gave another laugh, “It’s okay; he reminds me of someone I use to know.”
“I might be able to come up with some sort of interesting story,” Harry said, finally taking a sip of the beer.
Bob snorted, “Your whole life is an interesting story, Harry. I want to know how he lost his eye.”
Before Harry could reprimand Bob Xander stooped down so he was looking him in the eye, “I’ll make you a deal Bob. I tell you that and Harry gets to tell me how he ended up with you and why you had duct-tape across your teeth when you fell here. Deal?”
Bob rattled back and forth as he made his decision. It didn’t take him long, “Deal.”
“Alright,” Xander rocked Bob back and forth; ignoring the indignant ‘hey’ he received. “We’ll call that a deal sealing handshake.”
Bob’s eyes glowed a brilliant red, “Just get on with it.”
Xander took a mouthful of beer, making a show of swallowing it slowly as Harry watched on in amusement; it looked like Bob had met his match.
“It was a while ago now. I lived in Sunnydale before it went under; which happened after we closed the Hellmouth there. Anyway, it was just before that me and a group of friends were fighting the First and before you ask that would be the first of all evil at least in this dimension. You following?”
Harry nodded, “Yes.”
Bob rattled across the table, “Continue.”
Xander drank more of his beer before continuing, “The First had a preacher guy under his control. During one of the fights he decided I saw too much and the only obvious way to remedy that problem would be to remove my sight. The preacher stuck his finger in it before anyone could stop him.”
“Do you often piss of powerful demons?” Bob asked.
Xander looked down at him, “I’ve been described as a demon magnet. It’s sort of par per course for me.”
“I’m sorry about your….”
Xander cut Harry off, “Don’t worry about it. As I said it was a while ago and I’ve come to terms with it.”
Harry nodded, “Okay, then I’ll get one with our part of the bargain. Which did you want to start with? How I ended up with Bob or why he had duct-tape across his teeth?”
“The duct-tape…definitely the duct-tape.”
“That part’s actually very simple. I was on a date and….”
“It’s not a date if you don’t leave the house Harry,” Bob interrupted.
“Whatever. Anyway he thought it would be funny to start making lewd comments really loudly in between supposed ‘ghost’ noises.”
Bob laughed, “It amused me greatly and after being stuck in your lab for years I think I’m entitled to some fun.”
“I brought you upstairs and look what happened. You nearly scared off my date. She thought the apartment was haunted. If I hadn’t shut you up she would have ran screaming.”
Xander watched the two bicker and laughed, “How did you meet again?”
“You mean how did I get saddled with the meat bag?” Bob said as he rattled away from Harry in an attempt to avoid the smack coming his way.
Harry rolled his eyes, “He belonged to my uncle, Justin Morningway, and I got him after my uncle died. I’m supposed to keep him safe though half the time I want to hurt him myself. Bob was my teacher for magic while I was growing up.”
“Ah,” Xander looked at Bob, “Mind if I ask you how you ended up a skull?”
Bob gave what gave Xander the impression of a shrug, “I don’t see why not. I have been a tied to this skull for a very long time, longer than I care to remember. I used black magic and this was my punishment.”
Harry looked down at Bob and then at Xander, “I’ll elaborate on that more for you. He used black magic to raise someone back from the dead. In the end it destroyed both of them…”
Xander, Harry and Bob the skull ended up talking long past Nights opening and into the morning. Thankfully Xander’s bartender came in earlier than she as supposed to.
With a yawn Harry looked around at the few people still left in the bar, “We should probably take our leave.”
Xander shook Harry’s hand, “It was nice to talk to you. You’ve got some very interesting stories.”
Harry shrugged, “Had an interesting life, as have you. Now how am I supposed to get back?”
Xander motioned to the storage closet, “Just go back through the closet, it should take you right back to your world… reality whatever. It did with everyone else.”
Harry nodded and picked up Bob, “Thanks.”
Placing a book and a small card on the counter Harry shrugged, “For your wall; it’s not much but…”
Xander picked both items up and waived of Harry’s excuses, “Everything is worth something.”
Harry gave him a small smile before turning to the skull in his arms, “You going to behave yourself this time?”
Bob gave what Xander expected would have been a wolfish smile if he’d had lips, “I make no promises.”
Xander watched as Harry and Bob the skull walked into the closet, the door shutting behind them. Turning he looked for room to place the raunchy romance novel and the card left by Harry.
Crossover with: The Dresden Files (The Novels and the TV show) Bob has no corporeal form.
The End